Thursday, October 9, 2008

YOU MIGHT BE A SOUTHERN BAPTIST IF...

  1. You think it's OK to get sloppy, slutty drunk on Saturday night and then on Sunday you serve as the saintly church organist.
  2. You think Oprah is going to hell because she likes to buy worldly looking colorful shoes.
  3. You talk shit about the preacher.
  4. Gay people are demons from hell
  5. You think that heaven was only made for people with outdated 80's hairstyles and Days of our Lives Junkies.
  6. You make "better than sex" cakes for the preacher.
  7. The more Wal-mart jewelry you wear, the more God loves you.
  8. Your slutty past is forgiven, and the marriage you broke up will last forever.
  9. You support George Bush.
  10. If you don't give 10 percent of your income so the "preacher" can make his Escalade payment.
  11. If you think drums in church is a sign of Satanism.
  12. Smoke breaks after Sunday School.
  13. Computers have a chip that the Antichrist uses to spy on you.
  14. Direct TV CEO is the Antichrist.
  15. Rock music is a device of Satan.
  16. You think Jerry Falwell is a representative of Christ.
  17. Obama is a terrorist because he is black.
  18. You only drink at weddings.
  19. Hillary Clinton is a Lesbian.
  20. Six generations of one family was called to preach the gospel.
  21. You think the water Jesus turned into wine was unfermented (non-alcoholic) grape juice.
  22. The King James Bible is the only translation, and other translations should be burned.
  23. You had children out of wedlock.
  24. Children are possessed with demons because they have to use the restroom during Sunday School.
  25. Clapping during worship is a sign of the Indwelling of Satan.
  26. You put on extra makeup so it will run when you cry and everyone will think you have been touched by the spirit.
  27. You have Kleenex tissue in your bibles.
  28. Bleached hair is a sign of the occult.
  29. You use a highlighter in your King James Version.
  30. You think Jesus rose from the dead and ate pork and sausage biscuits at the crack of dawn, then went and hid Easter eggs in the church cemetery.
  31. You pay an old lady to sew a floral pattern dress to wear to your sunrise Easter breakfast buffet.
  32. You are on welfare, because you can't work on Sunday or Wednesday nights.
  33. You believe that Jews are headed for the fiery pit.
  34. Rock music causes you have panic attacks! LOL HAHAHA...
  35. You have ever thought or even entertained the idea that the KKK is a political organization.
  36. When a sever thunderstorm tears apart community's and your home was untouched, you think you have favor with god. The others had somehow been punished because of their wickedness.
  37. You think Cher is a prostitute. :O
  38. Art and Music can only be appreciated if it has religious overtones. Everything else should be burned at the next outdoor community chicken stew.
  39. You take money for your bills and give to the preacher.
  40. You don't have cable TV.
  41. Going to the beach is only a sin if you don't attend another Baptist church while away.
  42. You hide your liquor bottles under the sink and only drink when you are sick, afterall that is biblical.
I could go on and on...The world is full of Stupidity. LOL


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Tuesday, October 7, 2008

DO YOU KNOW JACK SCHITT?




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LESBIAN SQUIRRELS THAT FLY?

Today I just happened to run across this at a friends house and my stupid alarm went off as soon as I saw it. It is a print of a flying squirrel, OK you say, so what's the big deal? At the bottom of the print it is labeled "Southern Flying Squirrel".

Now, I just want to ask a question? Why in the hell would someone take a beautiful piece of art work such as this and throw such stupid comments at the bottom?

Why does the print not say, African flying squirrel? or maybe a Mexican flying squirrel, or better yet peeps, it could be a lesbian flying squirrel for all we know! I mean what in the name of god is a Southern Flying Squirrel?

Did this person only intend for southern rednecks to own this beautiful print? Should it only be hanging in Southern homes?

OK
peeps! crap such as this is stupid. Our world does not need any more hate in it than what we already have. And for the record, there is no such thing a Southern flying squirrel and if you think there is, then you are as stupid as the person who drew this.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!


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Monday, October 6, 2008

SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY: HI, HOW ARE YOU?

Whereas the rest of the world greets one another with a simple, friendly greeting or acknowledgment, if you are stupid and you see another human being, you MUST ask them how they are. "Hi, HOW ARE YOU???"

It does not matter if they are a complete stranger or not, it is your god-given duty to find out their state of being. "Hi, HOW ARE YOU???"

And if you see that person again later, you would be rude if you did not immediately ask them that question again. "Hi, HOW ARE YOU???"

It does not matter if they are in a hurry, you must ask them so that they take time from their busy schedule to answer you. "Hi, HOW ARE YOU???"

It does not matter if they are paying at a drive-thru, the other customers must wait while they tell you how they are. "Hi, HOW ARE YOU???"

After all, the others are just waiting in line to tell you how they are doing anyway. lol "STUPID"


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