Saturday, November 15, 2008

RULE NUMER SEVEN FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Friday, November 14, 2008

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

TOMS GRANNY AGAIN LOL

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RULE NUMBER THREE IF YOU WANT TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off. Please don't take this as an insult, but then again, I really don't care if you do. You and your friends are stupid. And if you ever show up to pick my daughter up with your ass crack showing, I will use my electric nail gun to fasten your pants securely to your waist. And during this painful process, I will be laughing and calling you stupid.

Steamroller

GEORGE FINALLY ADMITTED ...

President Bush on Tuesday said that he regrets having spoken in front of a huge "Mission Accomplished" banner on a U.S. aircraft carrier in 2003, six weeks after the invasion of Iraq, which became a haunting moment as the war stretched on for years.

Bottom line is, you lied to the American public George. And the only thing that you contributed to OUR country was lies, shame, and stupidity! But hey, who cares. Your worth millions now! Good riddance.

FALLING STUPID?

BIG OLE GLASS OF PISS!

Morning peeps! Just a few short words on a subject that has me laughing, as well as my brain working overtime thinking about this subject. This comes from my research into natural cures when I was down with whatever it was last weekend. See below.

Anyway, most already know that I am a single father raising children, therefore always looking for ways to save some bucks, so I can stay out of the housing projects, and provide a nice existence for my family. By nature, I am very inquisitive. When something sparks my interest, I will move mountains to learn as much as I can. NOTE TO SELF: STOP RAMBLING~GET ON WITH THE STORY-

Ok peeps, I found this research called, Uropathy....LOL! also known as.....Drinking your own piss to cure illnesses and promote good health! Yes, you read right, piss drinking! LOL...Now, I am all about finding the easy way out, but I cannot fathom anyone waking up in the mornings, stretching and grabbing the morning paper, and then holding a coffee cup up to their pecker as they piss a "big ole cup" of freaking yellow piss, as their morning coffee!

What is this world coming to? I have heard of vampires who drink blood, but my God, Piss? LOL
Maybe I am just stupid for thinking this is just freaking wrong, but how in the hell can one have enough nerve to gulp a cup of piss? The wonderful school system that we have in this country always taught me that urine, as well as feces was considered waste! How could anyone benefit from drinking waste from our bodies? What will it be next? Shit eating? Is this the next big thing? Will this end up on Oprah?

It will be quite a scene when family's all over America wake up to a warm glass of piss, and a big ole bowl of shit for breakfast! LOL And no, I have not, nor will I try this. I think I will stick to cooking coca cola as my natural home remedy for illness! Later peeps! And just remember, if you ever see this on Oprah as the next big thing, just remember you heard it on stupid first! Oh and I almost forgot! Piss drinkers you are "Stupid" LOL

Sunday, November 9, 2008

HOW TO PICK YOUR NOSE

This is funny peeps!

A BIG OLE GLASS OF STUPIDITY

What up peeps? I have been under the weather the last few day's, most of my time spent in the bathroom, and alot of time in the bed. Although I probably should have went to the doctor, I instead scoured the internet looking for a cure that I could download from the net. I came up with a lot of good stuff to cure my sickness, below is just a sample of the stuff that I found! And I can't say this loud enough, Peeps! Do Not Try This At Home!

1 .This one was under the heading called, 101 ways too cure hiccups! Jump over a broom ten times. Men can place an ice cube on their adams apple and let it melt, or they can hold their fingers in their ear and count to 10. Stupidest thing I have ever heard!

2.This lady tryed to convinced me that this is the best thing sinced sliced bread. Grind up herbs in a coffee grinder, add baking soda, and peppermint and there you have homemade toothpaste! I would hate to see this lady's teeth! She did inform me that several years ago she had them all pulled and got dentures, but she adds! "It does work"! LOL Stupid.

3. Now this one peeps, I did try! Pour a bottle of coke into a pan, and boil it until it becomes a a thick syrup, then pour into an airtight container and put in the fridge. let set overnight, then use 1 teaspoon thereafter to settle your upset stomach. As soon as I did this, I hurled a stomach full of what looked like black coal, but tasted like coke! Stupidest thing I have ever done! Just plain Stupid!

4. This one swears that using vicks vapo rub on toenail fungus relieves the pain! I say you are stupid, and should soak your feet in pure Clorox three times per day. LOL

5. This one takes the cake, How to lighten your eyes, without buying those expensive colored contact lenses! LOL ...Take a bunch of herbal laxatives over a two week period and bam! your eyes will change colors! LOL! All I can say to this is, you are stupid!

So there you have it peeps! I did start feeling better after all the gut busting laughs I had reading this crap.