Thursday, December 25, 2008

THE REAL CHRISTMAS STORY

A Christmas Story

'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of 'Thanks Santa'--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees

I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment

I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's No Christmas this year now you know the reason,

I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season.

Dont be stupid!

BREAKING NEWS OUT OF ALASKA


Millions of children will wake up this morning to nothing under the tree! Peeps, I have inside information.

It appears that someone was caught last night firing at Satan's sleigh, I mean Santas sleigh.
LOL.

Sorry to say Rudolph didn't make it. Tears.
Dont be stupid!

LETTERS TO SANTA

Dear Santa, My mom can't afford to buy me the Xbox 360 so can you get it for me? I still want to believe that you are for real.
Tiffany

Dear Tiffany, I don't give a reindeer's ass if you believe I am real or not! I think you should get off your lazy ass and help your mother clean that pig pin you call a home.

I should have my reindeer trample you to death while you are sleeping for being such a worthless greedy little bitch.

I am skipping your house forever! And the children you have one day!

P. S. I don't exist you little bitch.

Santa


Dont be stupid!

THIS IS HOW WE DO IT! SANTA MAKES HIS OWN CANDY

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
And daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?
Love, Teddy


Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who
Rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you
Some nice candy instead.
Santa

Dont be stupid!

MR C THINKS SANTA AND VEGAS ROCK

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most
Of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly
And squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the
Craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa

Dont be stupid!

EVEN SANTA DOESN'T LIE TO CHILDREN

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass
Whipped at school.

Second, you don't live in a house; you live in a
trailer park that looks like a low rent travel trailer campground.

Third, I get inside your camper just like the
Bogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams,
Santa

Dont be stupid!

SANTA FOR PRESIDENT!

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE
Could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiny begging shit may work with your folks STUPID, but that crap doesn't
Work with me.. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa


Dont be stupid!

DEAR SANTA- AKA MR C?

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like
In the song?
Love, Jessica


Dear Jessica,
Are you really that DAMN STUPID or are you just a blond? Good luck in
Whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa


Dont be stupid!

HAVE A HAPPY HOLIDAY

Santa isn't putting up with anymore spoiled children who are greedy little smart asses! LOL

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a PlayStation, a train, some G.I. Jose, a dog, a drum
Kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay; I'll set you up
With a Barbie.
Santa


Dont be stupid!

MORE LETTERS TO SANTA

Peeps do ya think anyone could be more stupid! LOL

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and
Joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah


Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

Dont be stupid!

BAD SANTA REJECT LETTERS

I think Santa owns I see stupid people! Or, he has been reading my blog! LOL Merry Christmas Peeps!


Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I
Send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving
Your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa.

Dont be stupid!

SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS

Christmas Day 2008! Guess what peeps? Santa came to see me after all! Amazing, after all the shit that I talked about him throughout the year!

Today I will be nice peeps! I woke up this morning only to find out from a stupid fan that the Department of Homeland Security has a new website that went live this morning!

Well ok, what's the big deal you ask? The website tracks every person in the United States that has a drivers license. Yes you heard right! If you have a drivers license and someone like me knows your name, then you know, I can pull it up and find out all kinds of information!

Peeps this is stupid! What will they do to us next? I mean I work in Law Enforcement and just fathom a criminal I called a stupid ass wants to look me up for revenge!

Well all they have to do is know my name then go to this website and they have my home address!

What has this world came to peeps? Check it out if you don't believe me!

Just click the license pic stupid!

Dont be stupid in 2009!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

MCDONALDS CHANGES LIVES


Dont be stupid!


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