Thursday, December 17, 2009

STUPID FACEBOOK STATUS MESSAGES My friend said this to me last night. "I haven't shit on the floor in a while." like he thinks it's an accomplishment.

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CRAZY FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES is it jus me or is christmas shoppin remind anyone else of a drug binge? spend 400$ in a day and not have shit to show for it?

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FUNNY FARMVILLE PICS! THE BULLS ARE BULLYING MY MILKCOWS


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FARMVILLE advice tips and tricks FOR FACEBOOK

Open a dummy account with Facebook, add your regular profile to your friend list. Open both Facebook's and load Farmville in the dummy one then just let it set as you go about your daily activity's.

The special limited gifts will show up on your farm in the dummy window. Then you can use your regular account to collect the gifts! Plus you can send yourself things that you need on Farmville from the dummy account!

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LASTEST NEWS ON FARMVILLE CHEATS, TIPS AND TRICKS.

The farmville trick "getting unlimited gifts" no longer works. The Farmville team hired an American to fix it.

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STUPID TWITTER STATUS MESSAGES - is going to climb a tree and sit quitely and stare at nature with its pretty wild animals! And shoot them LOL

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THE HOW TO GUIDE FOR PARENTS - step by step instructions for raising DRAGQUEENS!


Although I wish that this was a fabricated story, it is not. Is the making of a drag queen, or a life long criminal? It does not matter that "daddy" is in jail stupid! What matters is that you allowed your 4 year old to do this and you should be charged ASAP! No parent in the world (and I use that term loosely) would NOT have known that their kid was marching around the neighborhood like a crack whore drinking malt liquor!

HE IS FOUR YEARS OLD! What in the hell where you doing? Making another one so you could double your food stamps? You my friend have won hands down the STUPIDITY of the week award!

Now find a bus and jump.

UPDATE ON THIS STORY! The boy's mother said she met with child protective services and was told she will get to keep custody of her son. WHY?

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STUPID FACEBOOK STATUS MESSAGES - is having an out of body experience. will be back in 10 minutes.

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I KISSED A GIRL AND LIKED IT - YAHOO ANSWERS


Mr C answers: Ok there is this girl that I really like for 6 years, but every time see her she is always nibbling on some food or some candy. She chews with her mouth open, and every time she thinks that I'm not looking at her she digs in her nose and then drops the stuff (buggers) in her mouth...UG! How can I tell her that I don't like her as much as I thought? And she is always scratching herself (down there)...

Ok stupid, do you get the picture? If you cant tell this smuck to get lost, repeat ALL of the above every time you see him. If that dosent work, then just tell him that you kissed a girl and liked it.

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When will my boyfriend marry me? Yahoo stupidity...


Mr C answers: Well my stupid friend let me see.....He will marry you in 36 years three months and 10 days! What in the hell kind of question is this anyway? Hello? We don't even know you - or him so how in the hell am I supposed to answer this question?

Do you think that Yahoo Answers is a crystal ball or something? Sigh....Ok here is the deal! He will marry you as soon as you stop eating 16 double cheeseburgers a day! And hey a bath would really do you some good! I smell it all the way in Vegas! STUPID.

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THE PENNY COLLECTOR - collecting pennys YO!

Hello peeps! I have just started a new campaign to see if I can collect a single penny from everyone in the world! LOL Penny man! Send penny's via paypal gjcollins@ymail.com

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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Obama unveils new bailout part deux: spend 2.1 trillion more before New Year's! Yay!

President Obama just unveiled his newest spending spree (to combat his obvious bouts of depression...) with the target of wasting another 2.1 trillion by December 31st. Besides giving hundreds of millions to other countries just for the fun of it, and adding another golf course to his private aircraft carrier, he has included plans to move the entire Amazon rainforest to New Jersey.

When questioned about the record amounts of debt and runaway spending which WILL inevitably cripple this country and bring it to complete ruin long after he has been voted out of office, he muttered something about running the country and that gives him the ability to print all the money he needs...


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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Traumatic Christmas Presents: Dead Pet Toys: Good-Bye Kitty

Can you believe this is for sale on Amazon?
Good Bye Kitty! - Dead Pets: They'll Never Run Away


Boy, they really have everything for Christmas!

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A Redneck Conservative Baptist Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, and through the compound
Not a creature was stirring,
for fear of live rounds;

The shotguns were hung
by the chimney with care,
In hope that double-ought buckshot
soon would be there;
The children were nestled
all smug in their beds,
While visions of Welfare-bums
starved in their heads;

And mamma in her girdle,
I in my Kevlar vest,
Had just bunkered down
for a right-wing love fest,
When out on the lawn
there arose such a clatter,
I sprang for my gun to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I leaped like a toad,
Tore open the shutters and went lock and load.

The floodlights on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to barbed-wire below,
When, what to my paranoid eyes was disclosed,
But a miniature tank, and eight armed commandoes,
With a little old driver, so spread in the tush,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Rush.

More silent than black-ops his minions they came,
And he whistled, and shouted,
and called them by name;
"Now, Orrin! Joe Plumber! now, Palin you vixen!
On, Cheney! on Reagan! on, GlennBeck and Nixon!
To the top of the heap! to the Street called the Wall!
Now Free Market! Laissez Faire! Acquire it all!"

As Tea Bags that before the dread tax increase fly,
When they meet with a Liberal, rant, curse and cry,
So up to the house-top the commandoes they flew,
With the tank full of loot, and St. LimbaughRush too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard it so sweet
The stamping and pounding of jack-booted feet.

As I drew in my hand, and was chambering a round,
Down the chimney St. LimbaughRush came with a bound.
He was dressed all in silk, from his head to his foot,
And he threw both his hands up and called out 'Don't shoot';
Bibles, guns and Ayn Rand tracts he dumped on the floor,
And he looked like a corporate stooge or a media whore.

His eyes -- how they bulged out! His stare was so wary!
His cheeks were like dough-balls, his nostrils were flaring!
His spit-slavered mouth was stretched wide like a bow,
And the flab of his chins was as slack as Karl Rove;
Oxycontin and Viagra they pulsed in his veins,
And the dope had corroded his paranoid brains;

He had a lard ass and a big bloated belly,
That shook when he sneered, like a bowlful of jelly.
He was doughy and pale, a right flabby old prick,
And I laughed when I saw him, 'cause he's such a dick;
He checked my ID and I felt a quick dread,
Then saw that he knew I'm a true ditto-head;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Doled out all the small-arms; then turned with a jerk,
And raising a finger up from his clenched fist,
Giving Lefties the bird, up the chimney he whisked;
He sprang to his tank, to keep up his vocation,
And away they all flew like a Blackwater operation.

But I heard him proclaim, as he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all-- at least all that's far-Right."

by "swamijim sez"

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Monday, December 14, 2009

Abu Dhabi pays $10 billion to bail out Dubai under strange condition

The insanely wealthy are well-known to be insane.  So why would an insane nation be any different?  Abu Babu generously offered to loan Dubi-woobi 10 billion dollars to fix the obnoxious and decadent arab spending from being high on american oil money, that has recently gone sour due to the economy.

Prince Ali-baba is a big fan of disneyland and the condition is that they will be razing everything to the ground and re-building it all as Disney-Dubai.  The only thing that will stay are the solid gold toilet stalls and toilet tissue of $100 dollar bills.

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Duggar Super-Action Va-JJ at it again! Number 19!



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Traumatic Christmas Presents: Obsessive Compulsive Action Figure


Forget about ghetto barbie and zhu zhu pets... the must-have toy of the season is the obsessive compulsive action doll!   Perfect for someone obsessed with not catching H1N1!  Comes with surgical mask and antiseptic towelettes.

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FARMVILLE CHEATS TIPS TRICKS AND GIFTS!


 Get your keychain today!

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THE FACEBOOK DISLIKE BUTTON HAS ARRIVED!

Everything that Facebook people always wanted! THE DISLIKE BUTTON! BUT, you dont have to join a freaking group as they will lead you to believe to get it! Just click the link and Firefox will update itself! So Enjoy! THE DISLIKE BUTTON! 

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THE SCREAMS OF THE DAMNED YAHOO ANSWERS











Mr C answers: And you thought the group counselors went for Ice cream! 

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CAN I GET SICK FROM YAHOO ANSWERS?

                                                                                                 

Mr C answers: No-stupid , you don't eat that stuff raw! What is wrong with you! That is what you save up and sprinkle over your spaghetti the next time you have a spaghetti dinner! I cant believe that you didn't know that.


Thank God for Yahoo Answers! Right!

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STUPID PEOPLE ON YAHOO ANSWERS




















Congrats to your parents for caring! Look around most don't give a crap what their kids do. And I would imagine that you are attempting to hide something from you parents, that even YOU are ashamed that you have done, having the cloak of anonymity on the Internet!

Here's a thought! If you want to play as an adult then get a job move out and provide your OWN internet connection and computer! Then you can be a big girl! Otherwise thank your parents for caring enough and stop all this whining and bitching about parents most kids would love to have! STUPID


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MY BABYS DRUG DEALING DADDY ON YAHOO ANSWERS

 
Mr C answers: Well it would seem to me that if you KNOW all this to be true, then you should stop wasting time sitting on Yahoo Answers and call Child Protective Services. If they will not do anything, then turn his ass in to the police.

There are many options that you have here, but you cant just rant about something that inst true- If he is indeed doing this to his child then you should collect all the evidence that you can, even if that inculdes following him when he has your child. Have video camera ready and cell phone ready to dial 911.

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CHEATS TIPS AND TRICKS FOR CAFEWORLD


Buy some plants and set them in front of the stoves, block in the waiters and everything in your cafe will turn into magic! You can level up faster and prepare dishes without having to wait on the lazy cook to walk everything! Happy cookin!

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Sunday, December 13, 2009

Gray found a Lonely Bull on their farm. Oh no!

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THE stupid PEOPLE OF YAHOO ANSWERS - What is the DIFFERENCE between a MISTRESS, ESCORT, PROZTETUDE, and XSTAR?

Yahoo Question: I thought they all got paid for their "services" Is any one of those more acceptable than the other?

Mr.C answers: There is no difference STUPID. They can chuck cottage cheese like an bulimic in a Mcdonalds bathroom, just different exit ramps.

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THE stupid PEOPLE OF YAHOO ANSWERS - If my husband cheats, is it okay if i do it too?

Mr. C answers: This is a very interesting question that you have asked. Is it ok for you to cheat because he does? Well, cheating is always good in a marriage. Most successful marriages owe "cheating" to their success.

You can count on sleepless nights wondering what that itch is between your legs, some spend years trying to determine who the father of your kids are. Just join your cheating husband in a big drunk drug addicted sex party! The keys to successful marriage! YOUR STUPID.

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